From that one who said goodbye to his
dreamms slowly and painfully.
En mi habitación. Carboncillo y lápiz sobre papel. 100 x 70 cm. 2011
I closed the blinds as much as possible not
to be more rested the following day if the sun came across them, but
in order not to be bothered during the morning. I occasionally saw a
thin and brilliant line that was appearing me under the laces of the
windows, but I didn't pay attention and I continued sleeping.
-I am happy when I sleep.- I said to myself
in the brief periods of conscience that I had while I was doing it. I
only woke up when the eyes didn't resist any more time closed,
therefore when I wasn't able to support a more or less deep sleep for
a few minutes. Every instant was seized in this world of abscence.
Even if I had to twist in the bed infinite times to find the positon
adapted after every slight awakening, It was a part of my sleep. I
had always moved very much in the bed.
What did I do when I woke up at 12:30 on a
Monday? Not getting up until 2 p.m... Cuase' the main thing was to
sleep much and well. The perfect day was the one in which having gone
to bed soon, I could get up late, ate and lied down while I saw an
opera or a movie, I had dinner and I went back to sleep. When I
could, I took two naps: one after lunch and another one after having
dinner, before going to sleep. Although short, I enjoyed it. They
could be 60, 20, 5 or 2 scanty minutes but when the eyelids fell
twice there wasn't dubt to fall asleep.
I was so lazy that I didn't read the TV
guide to know the programming, I preferred know it pushing a simple
button of the remote and channel-happing. So lazy that what I liked
most was to watch operas, movies, some television programs and to
play video games. If someone told me about a very good book I watch
the movie and when they had not filmed it still I'd read a summary on
the Internet, such as to read the first and last parts of the sagas.
I didn't do any tipe of sport, it was
unthinkable to me to do any type of physical effort until It was
totally unavoidable. Some as to work or study, during the time that
was possible fo me I didn't do any of them. My life was almost
exclusively in the sofa with a distant look. I was usually tired,
weak.
I got up late, I ate and it began again. I
might say that I only observe, to breath and if I had to say
something the most I said were onomatopoeic. And because everything I
was so lazy, because I had more accumulated tasks than the Spanish
justice, which concerts has a tour or the prolific work of some
recognized artist.
Naps as long as it was possible. Until some
social duty needed my presence, or some of few things that
carrying me away like an ant that acts form his more primitive
instincts... Just like happens
with this text that it begun more time ago than I am able to
remember.
But one day I discovered a truth that would
change completely my life:
I was not lazy, I was just sad.
Did you know that the more you sleep the
more sleepy you are?
Something similar happens with sadness.
Therefore I decided to look for a solution
to this useless way of life that wasn't take me anywhere good. I
needed to recover the sense of my life, those motivations that make
me get up in the mornings, and which I had lost time ago.
Then I remembered a fragment of a book (“The
yellow world” of Albert Espinosa) which says that you do not
have to blame the decisions taken of “your past you”, the better
thing is to accept them, to consider them to be forces of change.
When you were lost you can come to “your previous you” to
remember what really motivated you, this one didn't have adult's
worries that were limiting him. To be reconstruct across who you were
when you were 14, when usually know who you really were and who you
wanted to be. Undoubtedly a beatiful advice to remember when I'll
fall down again.
Because it's necessary to enjoy the way that
we have decided to travel.
And if you are tired of walking you can also
let yourself flow like water by the river of life.
To get the most important thing in life: to
be happy.
